Teabagger Purity Pledge

The Teabagger Socialist-Free Purity Pledge

I, ________________________________, do solemnly swear to uphold the principles of a

socialism-free society and heretofore pledge my word that I shall strictly adhere to the following:

I will complain about the destruction of 1st Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly

being allowed to exercise my 1st Amendment Rights.

I will complain about the destruction of my 2nd Amendment Rights in this country, while I am duly being allowed to exercise my 2nd Amendment rights by legally but brazenly brandishing

unconcealed firearms in public.

I will foreswear the time-honored principles of fairness, decency, and respect by screaming

unintelligible platitudes regarding tyranny, Nazi-ism, and socialism at public town halls. Also.

I pledge to eliminate all government intervention in my life. I will abstain from the use of and

participation in any socialist goods and services including but not limited to the following:

● Social Security

● Medicare/Medicaid

● State Children’s Health Insurance Programs (SCHIP)

● Police, Fire, and Emergency Services

● US Postal Service

● Roads and Highways

● Air Travel (regulated by the socialist FAA)

● The US Railway System

● Public Subways and Metro Systems

● Public Bus and Lightrail Systems

● Rest Areas on Highways

● Sidewalks

● All Government-Funded Local/State Projects (e.g., see Iowa 2009 federal senate

appropriations--http://grassley.senate.gov/issues/upload/Master-Approps-73109.pdf)

● Public Water and Sewer Services (goodbye socialist toilet, shower, dishwasher, kitchen sink,

outdoor hose!)

● Public and State Universities and Colleges

● Public Primary and Secondary Schools

● Sesame Street

● Publicly Funded Anti-Drug Use Education for Children

● Public Museums

● Libraries

● Public Parks and Beaches

● State and National Parks

● Public Zoos

● Unemployment Insurance

● Municipal Garbage and Recycling Services

● Treatment at Any Hospital or Clinic That Ever Received Funding From Local, State or

Federal Government (pretty much all of them)

● Medical Services and Medications That Were Created or Derived From Any Government

Grant or Research Funding (again, pretty much all of them)

● Socialist Byproducts of Government Investment Such as Duct Tape and Velcro (Nazi-NASA

Inventions)

● Use of the Internets, email, and networked computers, as the DoD's ARPANET was the

basis for subsequent computer networking

● Foodstuffs, Meats, Produce and Crops That Were Grown With, Fed With, Raised With or

That Contain Inputs From Crops Grown With Government Subsidies

● Clothing Made from Crops (e.g. cotton) That Were Grown With or That Contain Inputs

From Government Subsidies

● If a veteran of the government-run socialist US military, I will forego my VA benefits and

insist on paying for my own medical care

I will not tour socialist government buildings like the Capitol in Washington, D.C.

I pledge to never take myself, my family, or my children on a tour of the following types of socialist locations, including but not limited to:

● Smithsonian Museums such as the Air and Space Museum or Museum of American History

● The socialist Washington, Lincoln, and Jefferson Monuments

● The government-operated Statue of Liberty

● The Grand Canyon

● The socialist World War II and Vietnam Veterans Memorials

● The government-run socialist-propaganda location known as Arlington National Cemetery

● All other public-funded socialist sites, whether it be in my state or in Washington, DC

I will urge my Member of Congress and Senators to forego their government salary and

government-provided healthcare.

I will oppose and condemn the government-funded and therefore socialist military of the United

States of America.

I will boycott the products of socialist defense contractors such as GE, Lockheed-Martin, Boeing,

Northrop Grumman, General Dynamics, Raytheon, Humana, FedEx, General Motors, Honeywell, and hundreds of others that are paid by our socialist government to produce goods for our socialist army.

I will protest socialist security departments such as the Pentagon, FBI, CIA, Department of

Homeland Security, TSA, Department of Justice and their socialist employees.

Upon reaching eligible retirement age, I will tear up my socialist Social Security checks.

Upon reaching age 65, I will forego Medicare and pay for my own private health insurance until I

die.

SWORN ON A BIBLE AND SIGNED THIS DAY OF ____________ IN THE YEAR

______________.

___________________________ ___________________________

Signed Printed Name/Town and State

source (PDF)